The Congruence Check
Belief + Word + Action = Congruence. When they don’t agree, you feel stuck, frustrated, and unfulfilled. When they align, you feel alive, aligned, and anchored.
What is congruence? I define congruence as the discipline of aligning your inner convictions with your outer expressions, so that what you believe, what you say, and what you do are telling the same story, every single day.
A lot of times, we say we believe something, but our words and actions don’t align with our convictions.
We say in one breath that we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus, yet in another breath, we are speaking like we have been defeated and acting like we are victims of our circumstances.
This is totally incongruent and unacceptable.
The very nature of life is to test our convictions. It’s as though when we say we believe something or are convinced about something, the universe clocks it and then sends us a test.
Many of us have failed these tests several times, and it just shows that some of the things we claim we believe are just at the surface level. They haven’t yet gained root in our minds, roots strong enough that no amount of wind or turbulence can uproot them.
A congruent life is not a perfect life. No one is perfect; sometimes we fail, but part of the blueprint of a congruent life is self-awareness and self-evaluation. Knowing where the gaps are between who you say you are and how you actually speak and show up, and committing to closing them daily.
The Three Layers of Incongruence
When I started paying attention to my life, I noticed that incongruence shows up in three ways:
The first is what I call belief-word incongruence. This is when you believe something deeply, but your words tell a different story. You believe you are capable, but you keep saying, “I’m not sure I’m good enough.” You believe God has a plan, but you keep speaking fear over your future.
The second is word-action incongruence. This is the most common one. You say you are prioritising your health this year, but you have not moved your body once. You say you value your time, but you keep saying yes to everything and everyone. The words are right, but the actions don't match.
The third, and the most subtle, is belief-action incongruence. This is when your actions contradict your core beliefs, even though your words might still sound fine. We say something contradictory and end it with "it is well".
You believe in generosity, but fear makes you hold everything tightly. You say you have to feel led to give, yet you have never felt led! You believe in community, but you isolate yourself, you hide under the guise that "I am an introvert" or that "networking is not my strength". There is a silent war between your conviction and your conduct, and most of the time, you do not even know it is happening.
The Congruence Check
So how do you start? Here is what has worked for me. I call it the Congruence Check, three questions I ask myself regularly, especially when something feels off but I cannot name it:
- What do I say I believe? Write it down. What do you actually believe about your worth, your calling, your vision, your God, your future?
- What are my words saying? Listen to yourself, not just when you pray or in public, but in the quiet moments. When you are alone with your thoughts, when you are among your inner circle, where you don't have to pretend, when you respond to disappointment. Do your words match your beliefs?
- What are my actions proving? Your calendar, your bank statement, your habits, your relationships, these are the receipts. They show what you actually believe, regardless of what you say. It’s your “we listen, we don’t judge” moment with yourself.
The goal is not to feel shame when you find the gaps. We all have them. The goal is to see them clearly so you can begin to close them.
My Charge
So here is my charge for you this week:
Ensure that your words and your actions match your conviction.
Do not just believe it in your heart and leave it there. Let it spill over into your words. Let it overflow into your choices. Let the people around you see a life that is telling one consistent, beautiful, harmonious story.
If you say you trust God, act like it. If you say you value yourself, treat yourself like it. If you say you are building something, show up for it, not perfectly, but consistently.
Aim for congruence. Not perfection. Congruence.
Because the most powerful person in this world is not a person who has it all figured out. It is a person whose insides and outsides match. A person whose yes means yes and whose no means no. A person who does not need to perform their beliefs because their life is already the evidence!
The Bible instructs us to let our ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and our ‘No,’ ‘No.’” That is congruence in its purest form.
God in His infinite wisdom designed you with a specific purpose, a specific voice, and a specific calling. When you live congruently, when your beliefs, words, and actions align, you are simply living from your original design.
And that, my friend, is the most bedazzling way to live.
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